The majority of couples make love on average between twelve and sixteen times a month.

And half of all lovemaking seems to be a response to the sex drive, the other half being consciously planned.

In other words, at least half the time most couples do not wait for the body’s chemistry to nudge them into action, but they take the initiative and plan to make love.

But the regular setting apart of certain afternoons and evenings for lovemaking may not be such a good idea…

The sex drive works on a certain pattern or rhythm. It differs in various individuals, and things can happen which will upset the rhythm, but usually a young, healthy, average-sexed man has a three-day rhythm. As for a woman?  See this.

That is to say, if he has sex on Monday night which empties his seminal vesicles and prostate gland, by Thursday his seminal vesicles and his prostate gland will be full. So if he has sex on Thursday night, he will release a maximum volume of ejaculate and sperm-count with his first orgasm that night.

Maybe the fullness of seminal vesicles and prostate are what prompts a man to seek a sexual outlet. Maybe not. However, the point is that the pattern is more or less regular. 

Fortunately, neither men nor women need to wait for their sex drives to switch on. They can have sex whenever they want. (Assuming of course there are no difficulties or dysfunctions like delayed ejaculation – DE for short – which although it does not prevent sex occurring, may well prevent a man reaching orgasm. This leaves his partner unsatisfied.)

Every couple can recognize the urges of the sex drive when they experience them. That tenseness in the genitals, and a sensation in men of “fullness” are experienced as a gradual build-up.

When they impinge on the consciousness, you get due warning that sex or self-pleasuring is needed. This warning can come at any time!

And it means that within a short time you’re going to enjoy an orgasm. This can allow you to plan the timing of your sex, making it a deliberate session which can be planned beforehand.

One thing I probably ought to point out is that  there are not many couples in the world whose sex drive rhythms coincide. So often, the man will be responding to sex drive promptings while his partner is not, and vice versa. But this doesn’t matter. Lovemaking is an equal partnership. Both have the right to initiate activities!

Although one partner may want sex before the day is out, he or she will make their desires known by gestures, a hint of an early bed, or a caress that means sexual connection is on the agenda.

Who can afford two hours for lovemaking?

A sensuous man and woman will make sure they do allocate enough time. The more the better. Of course, it won’t always be possible, because the hectic demands of our hectic lives require us to do many other things. But any self-respecting couple will make the time as often as they can. An hour and a half can frequently be found; an hour is always possible.

But why so long?

Every session must start with the intention to give each other the greatest sexual thrill you’ve ever had. And when you employ penis and vagina, mouths, hands and every other part of your bodies, you can not only enjoy sex but also assure your lover that your feelings for each other are genuine and deep.”

You can’t, or at least you shouldn’t try, to hurry sex. Take your time. And remember no man can claim to be a good lover unless he can control absolutely his speed to orgasm.

I know many men will think it impossible, but honestly it can be done. It may take time and patience, but it is within the eventual scope of all men to avoid being either a too-rapid ejaculator or a man with delayed ejaculation (i.e a man who simply can’t come during sex. Find out how we define this male sexual dysfunction here.)

In either case, a man’s partner should act normally. She should not avoid caressing him at all, or do it half-heartedly. He should be able to take all she can provide in the way of stimulation without ejaculating!

A man should be able to make love to any woman and be made love to by her for any length of time. And even though he may feel he is near the point of no return, he should always be sure he is not going to release until he wishes to do so. So he will be able to pass an hour, after a long session of fellatio, with his penis in a vagina, and not ejaculate.

When he is sure that his partner is satisfied he decides to come and he does come – but only when he chooses. 

By self-control he has trained his body to respond only to the commands of his mind. He’s a sexually experienced man in late middle-age, and he’s knows this is well within the reach of every man who wants to make that choice.

And here is a practical tip which has come my way from my study of premature ejaculators. All men who come too fast begin to thrust with buttock muscles tensed as soon as they get the penis into their partner.

Tensed buttock and pelvic muscles rush you towards orgasm. To delay orgasm, you must keep your pelvic and buttock muscles relaxed.  Relaxed buttock and pelvic muscles will delay orgasm. Tensing them will make you come – hence, you have a choice.

A friend confirmed this. “When I decide I’m going to come,” he told me, “I can control how fast I do that by how tight I make my ass and pelvic muscles. Really tight makes me come in ten seconds; not quite so tight and it will be fifteen seconds; and more relaxed still gives me thirty seconds.”

We all use one word for the action of the penis in the vagina — thrusting. But to control ejaculation with pelvic and buttock muscles relaxed you should think of “swinging”!  Because, when these muscles are tensed, then  you are “thrusting” and your ejaculation is out of control.