For men of all ages, premature ejaculation is rapidly becoming an issue of major importance.

Although previously confined to the bedroom, and not talked about, lack of ejaculatory control is fast becoming a matter of discussion on internet forums, TV, and in magazines.

Men are prepared to discuss the subject amongst themselves in a way that would have been inconceivable 20 years ago.

So what’s brought about this dramatic change in the open discussion of something so personal – the inability to control ejaculation during sex, and last long enough to satisfy your partner?

I believe that part of the reason for more widespread discussion of premature ejaculation is that women are no longer prepared to accept a sex life that’s less than fulfilling.

The internet has really liberated people from the taboos around discussing sexual matters – after all, even if you’re experiencing guilt and shame around sex, it’s easy to adopt a false name and go on an Internet forum to discuss the matter.

And once a group of women get together and start discussing the comparative merits or demerits of their sex lives, the subject is sure to turn to premature ejaculation before long.

The bad news is that while discussing this subject may be easier than it used to be, treating premature ejaculation is still very much more an art rather than a science.

One reason for this is that apart from a lot of research into pharmaceutical products like Dapoxetine as a way of relieving the tendency to ejaculate quickly, very little has changed in the arena of premature ejaculation treatment in 50 years.

What worked in the days of Kinsey and Masters & Johnson still works.

Unfortunately, one reason that quick ejaculation is still so widespread is because men show no greater a desire to work on ending the problem now than they did fifty years ago.

And this is probably quite understandable, because for a man, sexual intercourse is very rewarding even if it’s extremely short-lived.

As somebody once said to me, “An orgasm is an orgasm – there aren’t any bad ones, it’s just that some are better than others.”

While I don’t support his point of view, because such a selfish male attitude unquestionably deprives women of sexual satisfaction.

And the fact is that men simply don’t seek out or apply the many effective ways there are to cure premature ejaculation, so the problem remains unsolved for the majority of men who have  limited staying power.

Let’s also remember that curing rapid ejaculation is not just a matter of finding a solution for the man’s tendency to ejaculate too quickly.

It’s also about empowering him to pleasure the woman so that she gets the maximum satisfaction from sex too. 

A Cure For PE? Or Even Just A Treatment That Works?

Rapid ejaculation can dramatically lower a man’s self-esteem, and considering that effective PE treatments and various cures are easily available, you have to assume PE represents the male approach to sex.

That is, taking what he wants selfishly, and grudgingly giving the woman what she wants – intimacy, connection, and possibly an orgasm during lovemaking.

I’m not criticizing men for this, because there is a cultural pressure that fails to address the need for female sexual satisfaction.

Nonetheless, if you’re a man who lacks ejaculatory control, and wants to pleasure both yourself and your partner, it’s incumbent on you to find a treatment program that will actually cure the problem.

It isn’t even about the fact that women very frequently achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse if a man can thrust for long enough; it’s more about the fact that the short-lived sex breaks the intimacy that develops when a man ejaculates too soon.

This can be very distracting and unsettling for a woman, who usually wants to relish the sensation of connection with her partner, both emotionally and physically.

Since most men understand this at some level, even if they don’t act on that knowledge, and since women put up with it, perhaps resentfully, perhaps grudgingly, it’s very obvious that any company that comes up with a simple and effective premature ejaculation treatment method is on to a real money winner.

And that of course is why the pharmaceutical companies have become interested in the problem.

The medicalization of PE (which effectively means turning a social problem into a medical problem), means that a drug company has a “legitimate” reason to conduct research into the compounds that may be available for resale.

This means “the compounds that would make the drug company massive profits”. Read the story of Dapoxetine here – up to 2005, anyway.

In fact certain drug companies have gone to extraordinary lengths in recent years to win over scientists to their cause, sponsoring research into the development of drugs that might be able to control premature ejaculation.

As you may know, if you’ve read anything on the Internet about  PE, the most common line of research is into the possible use of SSRI antidepressants as a way of curing this problem.

SSRIs affect the level of serotonin in the brain: the lower the level of serotonin, the lower the level of sexual arousal, and the slower a man is to ejaculate.

Now, this may seem very straightforward and simple, and you can see why it would be a popular solution for a lot of men.

However these drugs are not licensed in the USA for use “off label”, or indeed “on label”, as a treatment for premature ejaculation. Also, there are some very significant side effects.

Of the major drug companies, Johnson & Johnson have been very active in promoting Dapoxetine as a compound likely to cure PE, and they’ve spent a lot of time and effort building a body of scientific research which seems to demonstrate the effectiveness of SSRIs in this context.

Some observers have made the point that it is no wonder that premature ejaculation has been recast as “PE”.

This is an innocent sounding set of initials which might take away both the social embarrassment and the shame associated with the fact you cannot last long enough in bed to feel satisfied with your sexual performance. (Or to satisfy your partner!)

Now, as a sexual therapist, I’m all for removing the shame around sexual issues, but I’m definitely not for the promotion of false hopes.

What makes the promotion of pharmaceuticals more perverse, at least in one way, is the fact that effective treatments for fast ejaculation have been around since the 1950s: these are the squeeze technique and the stop start technique.

Certainly they take a bit of effort, but they do work, and their effects are long-lasting – with a little ongoing application.

As I said above, it’s sad that men are not prepared to take the trouble to put in the effort to cure premature ejaculation using several tried and tested techniques, but instead wish to take a pill as a quick and easy solution.

There’s something here for me about responsibility: when a man needs to control his ejaculation, and uses a behavioral training technique like the stop start technique, he’s actually forced to take personal responsibility for the fact that his sexual performance is not “up to par”.

When he takes a pill, there’s some sense in which his own responsibility for controlling his ejaculation is diminished. And I understand the desire for simple and easy solutions to sexual problems.

However, men have an irresistible and compelling desire to ejaculate. To overcome this instinctive desire to thrust deep and hard and ejaculate as quickly as possible, requires a clear intention on a man’s part and a mature attitude about curing his quick ejaculation.

It also needs the self-discipline that is associated with learning the techniques of effective ejaculation control through using the appropriate treatment.

This will allow the experience of longer orgasm in both man and woman.

Still that’s the culture of the of the 2000s: a pill for every ill!

The idea that a pill can actually give you control of your ejaculation is a very tempting one; it means instant self-esteem, in means instant self-control, and it means instant sexual satisfaction for your partner.